Watch Out Iran! Our Fighter Jets Can Do Loopty-Loops!

By: Mitchell Trachtenberg

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As tensions between the United States and Iran continue to escalate, the US Air Force has pulled out all the stops to make it clear that they are not to be trifled with.

It’s true! This Friday through Sunday, the Blue Angels will be on display doing loopty-loops in order to show Iran it means business!

“Some animals puff out their chests to signal aggression, other animals lick their chops. Here in the United States Air Force, we intimidate our foes with aerial acrobatics, but mostly loopty-loops!” said Chief of Staff David Goldfein.

Goldfein continued, “And if the loopty-loops aren’t enough, we are able to sky write intimidating phrases, like, “WE LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE PERSIA,” or even just draw a middle finger.

Vice Chief of Staff Stephen Wilson noted, “Not only do loopty-loops look cool, but they are also a reliable evasive maneuver in cases of enemy fire.”

Look. Iran has airplanes, we have airplanes. Their airplanes can fire weapons, and our airplanes can fire weapons. However, we know for a fact that even if Iran can make loopty-loops with their airplanes, they aren’t nearly as cool as the loopty-loops we can make!