The Machine Interviews Joe Maddon Regarding the Cub’s “Perceived” Lack of Focus

Interview by: Alex Peters

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It’s been a rough stretch for the Cubs this past week, so the Machine sent Alex Peters to chat with Joe, and pick his brain about what he’ll do moving forward.

Alex Peters (Chicago Machine Sports reporter): Joe, how are you able to maintain your team’s morale after this past week of losses here at Wrigley Field?

Joe: I can’t lie, we’ve had a rough week. Sales are down, and the bartenders are complaining about being overstaffed. But, when a new restaurant like Madden’s Post conveniently located on the corner of Clark and Waveland opens, some excess labor can be expected. I believe we have the situation under control. I’ve talked to my floor managers and we’re trying to do our cuts earlier when we see it’s gonna be a  slow night …

Alex: Oh yes, your new restaurant. Congratulations on opening that. But, back to the Cubs… With the losses of Javy Baez and Anthony Rizzo, Do you think that the injury bug hit this team at the worst time?

Joe: You never want to lose a team member but, our chef Aaron runs a pretty tight ship back of the house. I’m sure you've heard about our line chef situation on Tuesday. I’ve been told we followed protocol and sent the man home until signs of the flu have passed.

Alex: That sounds terrible, but once again I was talking about the injuries to the Chicago Cubs. Do you still feel this team is able to compete in the increasingly tough NL Central next year?

Joe: Well, The Brewers are always gonna be tough to deal with..

Alex: Yes! Milwaukee has surged past you in the wildcard race…

Joe: …but, our beverage director has some solid contacts with a local brewers and if we’re lucky we might be able to get a keg or two of that coveted Goose Island 312, just in time for falI.

Alex: Joe, It sounds like you’ve been pretty distracted by this new business venture. Do you think that’s why the Cubs failed to meet expectations this year?

Joe: Look buddy, All I know is that if Bernie’s Tap across the street still has that shuffleboard table in the back, my EXPECTATIONS are for us to be empty on most weeknights.  Have you ever gotten loaded and played some Shuffle? That’s gonna be the number one draw here in Rickettsville.

Alex: Ok Joe, thanks for your time. There’s always next year.

Joe: You’re so right! After a full year of targeted social media ads, and the great press Madden’s Post should get from being the third stop on this year’s T-Box bar crawl, we’ll be in the black by this time next year… That, or I just drink all the wholesale Bulliet Bourbon Manhattans in my own damn bar until

those Trump loving owners of mine eventually replace me with David Ross, and I can sell this godforsaken moneypit to the Big Onion Tavern Group.