JB Pritzker out 4-6 Weeks with Fractured Thigh Bone
By: Mitchell Trachtenberg
When the Bears take the field on Thursday night against the Packers, they will be doing so without one of their key contributors. Gov. J.B. Pritzker, who is expected to be a factor in the Bears' bid to repeat as NFC North champions, is will be sidelined for 4-6 weeks after fracturing his thigh bone.
"I won't lie, this is a devastating loss for our team," said a visibly disappointed Matt Nagy at his weekly Hallas Hall press conference, "We're not quite sure which play this happened on. All we know is that, in addition to being the Governor of Illinois, J.B. Pritzker is also a valuable member of this football team. In the meantime, we need to rally together and hope he can be back by the time October arrives."
Initially well off the radar of most Bears' fans, Pritzker established himself as a favorite to make the Bears' opening day roster after winning over the locker room. Despite some commentators suggesting Pritzker should be cut to make room for someone who isn't the Governor of Illinois, All-Pro linebacker Khalil Mack wants Pritzker to break camp with the team.
"We really don't know what he's doing here, or even what position he is supposed to be playing," said Mack. "It's just fun to see him strutting around as one of the guys. We're definitely going to miss him while he recovers."
Fantasy football owners are advised pick up former lieutenant Gov. Evelyn Sanguinetti from waiver wires to handcuff the broken bureaucrat. She should be still be available in most 12 team formats.