“Items on the menu include Curtis ConWings, cheesecake with a Jeff Graham Cracker crust, and The William Perry: a 2.6-cubic foot mini fridge filled with boneless wings, smothered in house gravy.“
Read MoreWhile the decision has been met with support, some people believe that the 5th star should have actually Joel’s more well known brother Bill, or the most talented Murray brother, Brian Doyle. However, Mayor Lightfoot doubled-down on the decision, stating that, “Joel, more than all the other Murray Brothers, best represents the city’s blue collar working class spirit.”
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“When the miner offers the silver pick, you’ll give away the Midway for a Tarheel without a trick.”
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When asked for comment, Cubs fans burned a Maddon jersey in effigy, because tradition is important.
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“I can’t lie, we’ve had a rough week. Sales are down, and the bartenders are complaining about being overstaffed. But, when a new restaurant like Madden’s Post conveniently located on the corner of Clark and Waveland opens, some excess labor can be expected.”
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“Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing wrong. Could they be signs from God? Constant reminders of my sinful ways? Have I honestly cut off 2,438 people in traffic since moving here?”
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