Mayor Lightfoot Plans Bake Sale to Address $1.2 Billion Shortfall

By Jonah Nink

CHICAGO, IL - Earlier this morning, Mayor Lori Lightfoot announced that she would be raising money to pay off the city’s $1.2 billion budgetary shortfall with a bake sale hosted at the Harold Washington Library. 

“Dealing with this historic deficit will require a lot of hard work from my administration, which is why I stayed up all night making these brownies,” said Mayor Lightfoot from behind a folding table covered with cookies, cakes and other assorted sweets. “But I can’t take all the credit. Bill from accounting made these delicious macaroons, and Governor Pritzker was here this morning to drop off his famous double fudge marshmallow blasters. I also bought some cosmic brownies too if you’re into that.”

Lightfoot explained that everything at the table would cost at least $10,000,000. 

“Yeah it’s a lot, but if the city was forced to make enough brownies to bring the price down, we’d be out another $1.2 billion. Besides, while I might be a little biased because I made them, these really are some ten million dollar brownies.”