Lincoln Towing Returns, Rebrands as Premium Citywide Valet Service

By Mitchell Trachtenberg

CHICAGO, IL - Following this week's court ruling that Lincoln Towing would be allowed to stay in business, the company has announced they will rebrand themselves as a high-end valet service that spans the entire city of Chicago.

"During our hiatus, we realized that instead of making Chicagoans' lives harder, we can actually provide them with convenience," said current president, Jimmy Wilkes. He continued, without being asked, "Having a car in the city is challenging. If a nearby parking spot is even available, you might also run the risk of your car being hit, vandalized, or even....towed. That's why Lincoln Park Towing would be using our entire fleet of trucks, and extensive access to parking lots on the outskirts of the city to safely store cars until the owners need them back."

Wilkes clarified that all people need to do is leave their cars parked in a strip mall parking lot, or on any side street. After it’s left for more than two hours, they'll send out one of their redesigned tow trucks, and store it for you on the other side of the city from where you live.

While the idea did gain traction with the Illinois Commerce Commission, it has been met with its skeptics.

"This seems all well and good on the surface, but what they don't tell you is it may cost hundreds of dollars to get your car back!" said 57th District Alderman Scott Wilson. “Those hundreds of dollars can be put to good use, like bribing me to fix a pothole or stuff an election box.”

However Wilkes defended his idea, stating, "Of course it's pricier, you're paying for the convenience of the valet to come to you, to rescue your car from potential danger and bring it to safety. Remember, this is a premium service."

Sources confirmed  both cars of Alderman Wilson and Wilkes were towed during this interview.